Monday, February 21, 2011

anger a medicine ?

My nerves are burning with anger, I need to flex my arm because I feel each joint is numbed with the burden of his irrational behaviour. 'How could he?' is the one thought that sears my taut brain , burning a hole in my regulated thought process and filling with we impulsive retribution.
I box my way out of my anger, hurling my disbelief and reliving my chargin, with different descriptive phrases. I lash out with many plans to make him pay for his deeds. I imagine him suffering the shock I suffered.
Anger consumes me , ego controls my thoughts and guides me to reclaim lost face. Each action takes me away from the problem , building a demonic castle of his misdeeds , a wall of protection around me and a field of broken glass between the two.When Im done ranting I must walk barefoot ,ego in hand , to reclaim the relationship.Somehow I do it everytime. Common sense prevails over ego.
I think that pushing  each relationship to the level of maximum tolerance may not be the answer to addressing a mistake but we all try it. Another method we use, is catching the person off guard, reminding them that we were right and theyr were grossly wrong . When someone repeats a mistake, it hits home harder and we fight back with vengence, we may be hurting ourselves more and it may be time to step away.
If we could vent our anger with grace, it would be the best solution we could find. A clear demonstarion of hurt, distrust and an explantation of what happened without repetetion, will make us think clearly and ensure that we dont alienate the other person. We use repetetion to emphasise the situation , with growing emphasis the other person senses built up hatred and switches off.
Bringing your anger out as another emotion , expressing it without physical violence but still in words and in volume may work as therapy. It will communicate to the other person , who you are and what you need. It will help you face the problem. Expression of anger, if controlled can be used to build a relationship .Walking away in anger and composing yourself to address the problem again ,is quite unnatural and resembles an act.
It is true that we often need to get away to think , but when we have much to say , walking away because we are angry may not be the solution. It is in anger that we find love and humour. It is also here that we find our most secret fears and it may be here that we open up those fears to the ones we love, allowing them to see what causes the problems we live with.
Reaching out and reaching within to reach out , is a process of constant self understanding , it is best that we allow our dearest ones to be a part of who we are at every stage. Apologising becomes easier and sometimes truth finds ways of exhibiting itself without the artifice of a confession.
If we look at anger , crying, love and jealousy as expressions , and ways to communicate, we may conquer some of our fears.

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